I am a thirty-one-year-old girl. My problem is that I am unable to help my mother. She likes to do everything in the house by herself, even buying orders, she does it herself. She has not taught us any of the household tasks. My sister and I try to help her a lot after working hours or during vacation days, but To no avail, as our assistance to her does not relieve her of anything, as she is always overburdened with tasks. He also added to her the help of my uncle’s sick wife, meaning that she is now taking care of him in two houses, and my father does not help her with anything, even buying orders he does not fulfill, as he sits at home and does nothing and leaves her to bear full responsibility This stresses her even more. I try to give her help, but she refuses or asks me for simple things and does not assign me heavy work, even though I am often free, so how can I make it easier for my mother and help her? She is supposed to rest at her age, as she is over sixty years old, and I fear a lot for her, and she is still taking care of us. Am I disobedient to my mother because I do not ease her and help her?

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Dear reader, we thank you for your great concern for your mother, whether your concern for her comfort and your feeling the weight of the responsibilities she bears, or your concern for her righteousness and your fear that by not helping her you will be a hindrance to her, which we see is not true at all, you do not refuse to help her, but rather she is the one who does not allow you to do so. We didn’t know much of your letter about your mother, so we can’t pinpoint the exact reasons for that. There are some people who only feel the value of their existence through the work and effort they do, and they don’t feel comfortable if they don’t do everything they can. They like to control the course of all things and make sure that everything is done exactly as they wanted it and do not trust that anyone is able to accomplish the tasks the way they do them, so they may feel physical stress from the tasks and burdens placed on their shoulders, but this makes them feel psychologically comfortable because if they do not Everything by itself will feel tense and not done as it should.

It may be difficult to change your mother’s character now at this age, but the truth is that this situation must be changed not only for her sake and for her comfort, but for you and your sister’s sake. You both have independent lives, whether through your marriage, work conditions, or otherwise. It is necessary to talk to her clearly and discuss this matter, but without mentioning that she is over sixty, because this in particular may be another motive for her to refuse rest, because she refuses to feel that she is getting old and loves to feel that she is still able to give and carry out her tasks. To the fullest. It is necessary that you agree to divide the responsibilities of the house clearly and specifically between you.

Start, for example, by being with her while she is doing any task, and tell her that you want to learn from her how to do this or that, then ask her to try it yourself. Later, you can surprise her by completing a task before she wakes up or while she is away from home, and gradually when she feels that you are doing the tasks. Perfectly, the way you like things done, you may start to trust the division of tasks between you. It is also important to create alternative interests for her. What can she do that interests her in the free time she has when you are doing some of her tasks? Your mother also needs your assurance that she is emotionally and morally important and that her presence in your life is not limited to her duties.