Service and Washa: “I love a divorced man, and my family rejects our marriage and turned my life into hell.”

Amman Today

publish date 1970-01-01 03:00:00

I am a girl in her twenties. I love a man who has all the characteristics that I am looking for. He is “serious and nostalgic” and relies on himself. He appreciates women and does not insult her. He is serious about his love for me, but we face several problems. He is 12 years older than me and my family rejects him even though I love him very much. .

He is the only one whose tenderness I felt for me, and this is what my family does not understand. They only look at him as a divorced man of 35 years old, with a son and a daughter. And they don’t understand that all I need is tenderness, someone to “give me” and love me. I only find this with him. I do not know why they reject it because it is absolute. How do we hold a person accountable for an experience in his life that he did not succeed in? Each of us is subject to failure in marriage. When I said that to my family, they beat and humiliated me in front of the whole house and the neighbors, and lectures rained down on me that I was wrong, as if they were all innocent and I was guilty.

From the time they learned the story, my life turned into hell. They berated me every time for my love for him, and I began to live in torment. Even when I was asleep, I could hear them talking badly about me, which made me hate myself and my life with them. I am now unable to live with them with all the harm I am going through. Even on my birthday they beat me and made me cry and no one took pity on me. At that time, I realized that I did not want to live with them. Now I am thinking of how to leave the house and get married to live with the person I love and get rid of their torment. This is the solution that I reached, but I want your help. Is there a solution that satisfies me and them? Because despite everything they do to my family, I don’t want anyone to blame them for me one day.


Dear Reader, We thank you for your confidence in us, and for your care not to rush into making a decision that might upset your family. The way you think about the consequences of your decision on your family reflects maturity and selflessness, as does the way you think about the past experience of the person you want to be with. We agree with you that the way your parents are dealing with it is totally unsatisfactory and will only make things worse. It is the duty of the parents towards the children to take care of them, advise them and help them with their great experiences in making the right decisions. It is also their duty for their children to find moral support and assistance, even if they make a wrong decision. They must know that their parents will support them and support them in bearing the consequences of the decision.

I understand your feeling of love towards the only person from whom you feel appreciation, tenderness and containment, but I am afraid that you will be like someone seeking refuge from the fire. Making a big decision like getting married should never come out of a desire to escape from bad living conditions, but rather it should come from a complete conviction that this is the person you want to continue your life with. Tenderness and containment are very important needs, but you also shouldn’t make your decision solely motivated by urgent needs right now. Especially since the decision to marry a man who has previously been married and separated and has children will be a great experience and you need a lot of patience in normal circumstances, let alone when you challenge the world in order to marry him.

Before making your decision to escape from the hell of the family to the “promised paradise” by marrying the man you feel love for, you must first make sure that he will be suitable for you. Dr. Samar Kishk, a mental health specialist, says, commenting on your problem, that you must first know what is the real reason for his separation. Everyone is subject to going through failed experiences, but it is important to know the nature of the experience and whether you learned from it and changed or not? You must make sure that he really loves you and does not just take advantage of you being upset about your circumstances with your family and their treatment of you, so he focuses on that he is different from them and will not treat you like them. You should know that marriage is different from love, and involves a lot of responsibilities, which are doubled in this case as he is a father of two children. Are you qualified to deal with them and face the challenges of the relationship with them? You must also understand the main reason why your family rejects him, is it because he is divorced and has children, the age difference, or a reason related to him as a person?

Then you have to make sure of your feelings towards him. Do you really love him or do you just see him as a good way out of bad times at your parents’ house. If the situation in your family’s house was different and they treated you well and you found the required support and tenderness in them, would he still be the right man for you with whom you want to continue your life?

Think carefully about the answers to these questions, then talk to your family rationally and logically, and talk to them about your needs from them. Regardless of whether or not you continue in this relationship. And if they do not understand and are ready for dialogue, there is no objection to you resorting to a wise and senior person who brings the points of view between you and your family closer.

Page and shawsha June 2

Within the framework of “The Seventh Day”‘s keenness to communicate directly with readers, and to provide various and varied services, “The Seventh Day” launched the “Washsha” service to receive any inquiries or psychological, social or educational problems, provided that the problems are presented to trusted experts and specialists and the responses are published via Website and newspaper.

You can contact us through WhatsApp number 01284142493 or e-mail Washwasha@youm7.com or direct link.


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