“I face many problems that turn my life into hell and I am tired of everything. Although my husband’s family loves me very much, my predecessor does not love me and changes because his family loves me more than his wife because I am quiet and I do not talk much, but this calmness comes at the expense of my psyche. I feel lost and alone.” I’m always nervous, I don’t know what to do in my life, sometimes I think of suicide, and only my children stop me when I see them in front of me. I hope to shower them with the tenderness that I’ve been deprived of, but I fail because I can’t find “tenderness” from anyone, so I empty my nervousness into my children. I feel that I’m always looking for my husband’s love But he does not give me his love and does not compensate me for the love that I lost with my family.My mother always tells me her problems and does not listen to me and I do not know to whom I complain about my problems.My husband does not have any dialogue with him.I wish to live and love and I have never entered into a love story in my life and I do not know what to do.I feel lost “I don’t know how to love my husband because of his lack of hygiene. I talked to him about this more than once, but he gets angry and I’m lost and I don’t know what to do.”

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Dear reader, your confused letter clearly reflects your psychological state and what you describe as a state of wandering and loss. Maybe all you need to be able to solve all your problems is to put them in order. To take a piece of paper and a pen and empty all your feelings, thoughts, fears and confusion onto paper. Get rid of the paper later so that your privacy is not threatened, but the process of emptying the feelings itself will make you feel comfortable.

Your letter reminded me of advice I heard in one of the photography lectures earlier, which is that when we want to exclude an element from an image, we may not need to move away from it with the lens, but rather we only need to focus the lens on other things. You are doing the opposite, focusing on the problems and the missing elements while what you need is to focus on more positive elements, some of which you already mentioned in your letter such as the presence of your children and the love of your in-laws for you.

Commenting on your problem, Dr. Iman Abdullah, a mental health consultant, says that you need to focus on giving your children the feelings of tenderness and love that you lack so that they come out psychologically normal and not suffer what you are suffering from. While you give your children this love, you will feel better, and you will also feel tenderness and love overwhelming you. Always remember whenever you try to unleash your anger on them and your emotions that they have no fault of their own, warn yourself immediately and do the opposite of what your anger tells you to do.

The second thing is that you should not give the brother-in-law’s hatred this space in your life, especially since you know the reason for it and that in return you are loved by all his family members. This person is supposed to be marginal and not affect your life, but the most important thing is to focus on your relationship with your husband. Unfortunately, the problem of the husband’s lack of hygiene is recurrent in many homes, and it is a major and disturbing problem, but its impact on you should not reach the point of suicidal thoughts or separation. You should never despair of trying to take his hand to be more clean, not with direct orders and advice, because this will be really repulsive to anyone and may cause him to increase his stubbornness, but rather always provide him with personal care products and try to participate with him in taking care of his hygiene as an act of love. And try to do everything in your power to extend a common space for dialogue between the two of you, and gradually you will find that the relationship between you has become stronger and stronger.