Service and confusion: “I hate myself because of a mistake… Do I pay for it in a lifetime?”

Amman Today

publish date 1970-01-01 03:00:00

“The mistake of my life is in the hope that the rest of my life will not be wasted because of it?” Despair mixed with brokenness asked her question, and told her story, “I am a mother of one 7-year-old child, separated from his father and he lives with him. My mistake occurred 4 years ago. I was married at the time, and underwent a caesarean section because I was pregnant and the fetus died in my womb.

I stayed at my mom’s house until I recovered. Then the disaster happened. I had met a young man and talked to him on Facebook. He told me that he wanted to visit me to check on me. I was alone in the house and he really came and during the visit he took explicit pictures of me. I don’t know how it happened. Without much detail, suddenly the topic swelled up and my photos were posted on Facebook. The entire area we have known about is a very popular area and all people know each other and they know me well since I was young. Of course I broke up with my husband. I could not face the scandal so I ran away and lived 4 years away from our home, and none of my family could stand me. Excuse them and know that they are right. I myself am disgusted with myself.

I’ve had a lot of problems since the disaster, in the midst of trying to escape I’ve fallen into the trap of addiction. I was between life and death. Glory be to God, who wanted me to go back to my mother’s house after praying so much to my Lord. I’m back but I feel so broken and humiliated. I don’t go down or go out anywhere. I am close to my Lord, praise be to God, but many painful thoughts are running through my mind. I feel suffocated. I can’t stand being locked up in my house and can’t stand going out and facing people while I see my scandal in their eyes. Could my problem have any solution?”


Dear reader, Nobel writer Naguib Mahfouz says, “The scourge of our neighborhood is oblivion,” but sometimes it is our blessing. Be confident that all this heavy time will pass. We totally understand how difficult it can be to be exposed to a scandal in a popular place where relationships are so tightly intertwined, but what we are sure is that everything is forgotten. You made a mistake, you admitted it, you paid the price and you accepted it, and in this you are very mature. It may be too late for them to forget your story that you moved away, but they will soon forget and soon that story will be from the past, with one condition that you yourself go beyond what happened and do not carry your mistake on your shoulders with every step. It was a tough lesson but you took it well and that’s the most important thing that happened.

Dr. Reham Ahmed Abdel Rahman, a researcher in mental health, family counseling, and self-development, tells you that none of mankind is infallible, and it is clear in your letter that you feel regret for what has passed and admit your mistake, which is the good thing. What you should do now to get rid of these negative feelings and thoughts is to identify the reasons that led you to this mistake, and think about how you could have acted correctly with these reasons or motivations to ensure that you benefited fully from the lesson.

Think, for example, what prompted you to know this person, was it feelings of emotional need for the husband’s preoccupation? Then you should have told him this need instead of getting into a relationship that destroyed your safe nest. Whatever the reasons, you have to admit them to yourself and identify them to avoid repeating them in the future.

Second, you must know that you paid the price for your mistake with your age, psychological safety, and the loss of your family and your son. Therefore, you should fight your feelings of shame and fear of society’s view, and do not try to exert psychological pressure, self-flagellation, and ruminate on painful memories from the past.

You also mentioned that thanks to resorting to God Almighty and praying to Him, you have returned again to your family and family, who, even if they show you feelings of contempt, there is no one who loves you like them. On the means of communication, and when I ran away from home to the point of drug addiction and for them to forget these situations, just be patient and turn to God Almighty, who is able to calm souls.

I also advise you not to give in to these negative thoughts, especially as they are feelings associated with drug withdrawal from the body and also until you regain your family’s confidence again, just try to practice some hobbies, or self-learning and getting courses through the Internet, this will help you a lot in enhancing your confidence and giving you a sense of accomplishment.

Also, avoid getting into the trap of bringing shame and fear from others’ view of you.

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Within the framework of the “Seventh Day” keenness to communicate directly with readers, and to provide various and varied services, “The Seventh Day” launched the “Washwasha” service to receive any inquiries or psychological, social or educational problems, provided that the problems are presented to experts and trusted specialists and publish responses via Website and newspaper.

You can contact us through WhatsApp number 01284142493 or e-mail Washwasha@youm7.com or direct link.


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Jordan Miscellaneous news

Source : اخبار الاردن

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