“The thing I needed most about him was his taste and respect.” With nostalgia, the 21-year-old remembered the beginning of the rosy story a year and a half ago, and said, “One of my relatives provided me with a job opportunity in a company, and there I met his friend who works in the company. He attracted me with his taste and respect since we spoke For the first time. The more I got to know him, the more my feelings for him moved. My interest increased and my eagerness increased with the feeling that the interest was mutual.”

I began to miss seeing him every day at work, I keep track of his break times to go out at the same time and see him, I deliberately be there all the time in the places where he is. We fell in love, and he decided to formalize the relationship. He spoke with a relative of mine to speak to my father, and only 10 days later he visited us with his family. Everyone quickly understood and we recited Al-Fatihah in the same meeting. I was very happy and optimistic because everything is going smoothly and peacefully. After about a month and a half, the engagement took place, and the world could not contain me from happiness.

It’s been a week since our engagement and I’m ecstatic and optimistic about the new life I’m going to start with him. But from the second week, the dream turned sour and problems began. Our presence in the same business, which was the cause of our love, was the cause of the increase in problems. Every day he sees me and comments on my clothes, my actions, or my words with people. He made it clear that he did not want me to have contact or interact with anyone but him. I had acquaintances of young people, our relationship prevailed in respect and boundaries, and he forced me to cut off my relationship with all of them and ban them on social media and on the phone. In this moment I despised myself. I felt like I didn’t vote for ten and live and salt with people I’ve known for years and they’ve never hurt me.

In a short time my life emptied completely except for him. Even work has become so annoyed with him and my fiance’s presence that I feel relaxed and happy when he’s on vacation.

Gradually I came to see that he was not the person I wanted, not the person I felt was like me and with whom I would not be able to live for the rest of my life. He almost doesn’t understand me in anything, no talking, no joking, and even the way we love each other is different. I am a person who loves to joke, laugh, go out and innovate and is a serious, practical and routine person.

The problems increased, and with it, the nervousness escalated. Whenever I confronted him in something he would “cramp” and get agitated and his voice would rise, and more than once he would pull me in the street so hard that I almost fell. And every time he says sorry and this is the last time and I won’t lose my temper again but he comes back and repeats the mistake.

I told him more than once that I had had enough and did not want to continue the relationship, but he begs me and says that he loves me and cannot live without me, and he really loves me, but I became tired and suffocated. Not a day goes by without a new “suffocation” and every day he cries, justifying that he is stressed.

I do not deny that there are many defects, most notably that I am very sensitive, which makes me unbearable for his nature more. I am no longer satisfied with my life with him. I am afraid that I will wrong myself by continuing with him, or I will wrong him by separating from him.. What should I do?”

***

Dear reader, as I read the last part of your message, Fayrouz’s voice rang in my ears, full of longing and fatigue, as she said, “It is possible to love you very much, but I am tired.” I understand your confusion and fatigue. I understand how heavy your emotional blackmail is, when you think you’ve had enough and can’t stand any more nervousness and pull and pull, his weak face suddenly appears begging you to step back, and glimpse, if only for a short time, that face of his character that I loved at first. And he is, as the song says, and as you say, he may be very sincere and seriously in love with you, but he is tired and you are tired.

There is never a need to feel guilty if you decide to end the relationship, now, or at any time later, as Dr. Eman Abdullah, a consultant psychologist and family therapy, tells you, for exactly such a situation the courtship was found, so that the two parties could study each other, and study the relationship Well, get to know the advantages and disadvantages of the other party, the possibility of each party to the faults of the other, and the extent of your understanding or not.

He does love you, but a love that involves a lot of jealousy, nervousness, and possessiveness never makes for a healthy relationship. We do not wish to break off the engagement, but you need to put some clear red lines that if he does not adhere to them, you should think about ending your association with him. The first of these red lines is that violence is totally rejected and should never be justified, either by fanaticism or pressure.

You can forgive once and make it clear that this is totally unacceptable, but the frequency of violence against you is a dangerous indicator.

The second red line is that both of you should have your own space, even if you love each other very much. Distance is essential in any healthy relationship, and having a social life for both of you is vital and essential and should never be compromised.

You should have a quiet session together, talking openly about your red lines, what life you wish for, and what kind of relationship you can’t stand, and give him one last chance to treat you as you deserve. But never take the step of marriage in the hope that it will change after marriage, it never happens and if you do not set strong and clear boundaries for the relationship, you will sink into misery later on.

Within the framework of the “Seventh Day” keenness to communicate directly with readers, and to provide various and various services, “The Seventh Day” launched the “Washwasha” service to receive any inquiries or psychological, social or educational problems, provided that the problems are presented to experts and trusted specialists and publish responses via Website and newspaper.

You can contact us through WhatsApp number 01284142493 or e-mail Washwasha@youm7.com or direct link.