Service and confusion: “I was deprived of attention, so I did not know that I was a quit man”
publish date 1970-01-01 03:00:00
“I am a 35-year-old young man, ambitious, well-mannered, enjoying a stable income and a good social level, but despite that, I have not yet succeeded in continuing a real relationship, due to certain circumstances, I always make wrong choices.
Girls always talk about their interest in feelings and always ask for attention from men and criticize that men are practical, but all this did not guarantee me a successful relationship, I care very much about feelings because I lived my life deprived of them. My father and mother were respectful, I had never seen them quarrel, nor did I hear them raise their voices in contention, but they were very cold together, and with us as well. My father never hugged me and never told me he loved me or my mother.
I did not have a sister, and my life was dry all the time. This made me desperately need tenderness, attention and feelings when I was associated with a girl who was lavish on her with feelings and attention, but this made me fall a lot with selfish girls who always want to take attention but do not give me anything in return, and if I stop caring do not ask about me. I always feel like they take me for granted.
I do not forget that when one of them decided to end the relationship with me, she said that I am too good and does not feel that I am a “man” enough. My friends have openly told me that girls prefer a sober or “heavy” guy but I don’t want to get into this circle, I don’t want to be unnatural. Am I really going to have to or maybe I have to look for a suitable girl? Do I really need to control my emotions and not be too available?
Dear reader, the popular adage says that the one who loses something does not give it, but what many do not know is that often the lost tries to exaggerate his giving because he knows very well how important it is because of his loss, and because he hopes to reap what he sows always, and this is what happens with you. You are trying to break the cycle of estrangement and emotional scarcity that you suffered in your family, and the result was that you over-give and care, and hope that the emotional connection will compensate you for all the feelings that you miss and the relationships that you could not choose, which makes you either fall into the trap of emotional exploitation or make you put pressure on the other end.
Although you talked about your parents respectfully and succinctly in your letter, it included a hidden blame for their relationship with you and each other and that it caused what you are now, but Dr. Ibrahim Magdy Hussein, a consultant psychiatrist says that the first step in solving your problem is to put this blame behind your back, do not deal With yourself as a victim to raise them, and don’t let your fear of repeating your family’s experience push you to another wrong experience.
A psychiatrist recommends that you get rid of the memories of the past, and deal with your nature without putting the past in mind. He also recommends that you learn that the attention should be reciprocal, because every healthy relationship is reciprocal and equal, you should not constantly give attention and receive no attention in return. If you feel that, there is no need to continue the relationship. You have to withdraw gracefully and calmly to avoid losing yourself.
Do not let the mental image of the relationship of your father and mother dominate your relationship with any girl, and learn not to give for free and do not react in the opposite way, that is, as a response to emotional deprivation, you deal with others with excessive emotion in order to hide your annoyance and anxiety.
You are rushing with all your feelings in a relationship because you are always afraid and want to compensate for the feelings that you are losing, and to remedy this you have to think rationally and wait for the feelings to be exchanged. You may need to turn to a psychologist to assess your anxiety and depression, and to help you with cognitive behavioral therapy that helps you communicate with people in moderation.
Within the framework of the “Seventh Day” keenness to communicate directly with readers, and to provide various and various services, “The Seventh Day” launched the “Washwasha” service to receive any inquiries or psychological, social or educational problems, provided that the problems are presented to experts and trusted specialists and publish responses via Website and newspaper.
You can contact us through WhatsApp number 01284142493 or e-mail Washwasha@youm7.com or direct link.
#Service #confusion #deprived #attention #quit #man
Jordan Miscellaneous news
Source : اخبار الاردن