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And they are “complete descriptions” .. How does the search for the ideal destroy the emotional life?

Amman Today

publish date 1970-01-01 03:00:00

“There is no mistake.” “Full descriptions” “I always want to be the best one.” Positive phrases are always described by one of the parties at the beginning of an emotional relationship, or by a third party on a person to lure the other party to accept him and relate to him, as they are positive features that increase the odds of his acceptance, But what even that “full description” person does not know is that in many cases this quest for perfection and perfection is the most serious defect and the first reason for the failure of an emotional relationship or the unhappiness of both parties.

During 25 years of working in clinical psychiatry in Chicago, USA, Dr. Diane Grande has not encountered a client who asks from the first session to overcome idealism. It always pushes them to raise their standards and maintain their self-esteem, but what they don’t know is that idealism creates chronic stress, whether acknowledged or not, and causes many problems for its owner and for the other party in any relationship with him, especially romantic relationships.


Illustrated by Ahmed Khalaf

Constant fear of failure

And the psychiatrist, who has been providing years of counseling to couples and families, explained that the pursuit of perfection is often harmful because of many common behaviors, most notably self-criticism and criticism of others, and the way of thinking: either this is ideal or it becomes worthless, which makes him feel throughout Time is drained of energy because it is always stifled with thoughts, as well as a constant fear of failure that leads to procrastination and anxiety. Instead of focusing on success, the perfectionist focuses on avoiding failure.

This explains a lot about the reluctance of the “perfection seekers” to take the step from the ground up, as he postpones the step again and again for fear of failure, sometimes he justifies this because he sees that he has not yet become good enough, and sometimes that he has not found the “full descriptions” partner that suits him, And sometimes because the conditions are not suitable, and so he revolves in a vicious cycle of delay because he does not want to take the step unless he is sure of its success by one hundred percent. On the other hand, the partner feels that it is impossible to satisfy the perfectionist.

Fear of failure
Fear of failure

Is there hope?

But does this mean that there is absolutely no hope of curing this problem? The answer is that there is always hope, only if perfectionists realize that they are, or their partners do, they can begin to address it and the first step always after realizing the problem is to identify the real reason that made that person a perfectionist, often the reason behind it Old and deep from the past, as a picky father or a family that gave him conditional love and always contingent on him to do better and prove his superiority and worth, and other reasons.

As for the next step, it comes with training that “what is not realized all does not leave all” and to start taking steps regardless of the results. Sometimes it will require the advice of a psychologist who provides a professional treatment program with which he learns the art of accepting imperfection, increases his self-confidence, and trains him in self-compassion, tolerance for his mistakes and learning from them.

A confused page in the paper issue
A confused page in the paper issue

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Source : اخبار الاردن

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